I promise...

I'm not manic.  Yesterday, life really was good.  And I was (am) so glad to be homeschooling and I feel so right about this decision.  However, today, loneliness cast its relentless shadow on me and has yet to leave the premises.

It started early this morning while the kids were spying on people as they walked to school.  Tidbits of happy chatter began to flit in and out of the house through the open windows.  Soon, warm memories of school friends played across my mind.  It wasn't long before the shadow of loneliness crept stealthily into one tiny corner of my mind.  It was only a matter of time...

We got our academic work done early today, finishing with recitation, math, and literacy by 11:30.  The weather was too perfect to be indoors today, so I had planned an impromptu park day.  We spent our lunch hour at one of the newly remodeled playgrounds in town.  I had just read yesterday that kids are supposed to get 60 minutes of physical activity a day and they easily managed that and more in our hour and a half at the park.  I even met a mom to chat with.  Despite all this, it was painfully obvious to me that I was the only mom whose kids were older than preschool-age and my kids looked enormous and grossly out of place.  Loneliness stole further into the recesses of my mind and was soon firmly afoot.

Once back home, we wrapped up Thing 1's history lesson and then finished out our school day in style with music and art.  School-wise, the day couldn't have gone better.  But what to do about the dark, swelling  cloud looming overhead?

I'm not throwing in the towel.  I still feel that this is where Thing 2 belongs for his kindergarten year.  He needs more confidence, academically, and this year with me will do him good.  For her part, Thing 1 doesn't want to be in public school.  She needs this year to recover from public school, to learn in a (nearly) test-free  environment, to delve deeper into subjects she enjoys, to savor quality time at home.  

So the problem is mine.  I have to own it and I have to fix it.  This morning, I joined the Yahoo group for local homeschoolers.  I reached out to one mom already for a playdate.  And I plan to enroll the kids in a few more park district classes.  This will all work itself out, the shadow will lift and we will flourish.  For now, I need to accept this as part of the package and figure out how to carry on with grace and purpose (and joy, in spite of it).

Blessings to anyone who has taken the time to read this.  It's not the stuff of novels or movies, but it is my journey and it is real, today as much as yesterday.